Porn is love you can see.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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