Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
