tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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