MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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