I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
