My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
