Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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