new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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