I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
