I'm really into asian looking animals
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize