His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
