Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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(919): View more from North Carolina

his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.

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(925): View more from California

Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?

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(586): View more from Michigan

You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

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(937): View more from Ohio

This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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(407): View more from Florida

Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.

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