You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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