Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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