If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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