i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
