I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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