I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
