so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
