i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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