I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
