It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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