Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
