Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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