i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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