wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
