dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize