I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
