True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
