Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
