They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
