loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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