I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
