it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
