This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
