I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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