i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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