I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
