my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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