i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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