Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
