he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
