I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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