is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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