i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
