you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
