Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
