i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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