Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
