everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
