Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
