Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
