Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
