what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
