guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
