have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just pee around me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
