Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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